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Sunset Years

Making the later years the best ever!

BUCKET LIST: TO HAVE OR HAVE NOT

September 17, 2018

The expression “bucket list” came into wide use after the release of the movie Bucket List in December 2007. It derives from kick the bucket (to die) plus list, hence a list of things to do before we die. Although the prospect of a bucket list may seem morbid, there are sound reasons to craft a list — by any other name — of our aspirations. Doing so requires us to focus our attention; determine if we’re maximizing our satisfaction; and identify ways of creating new memories. Ideally we protect against a future lament “If only I’d …”

It would be fascinating to have devised a list in each decade of our lives, starting in our 20s, to review now. For example, I thought skydiving would be thrilling, and it would have appeared on all my lists — except this one in my 60s. I’m not afraid to do it; skydiving has become safer, more common. In fact, I could have bought a Groupon to skydive in Phoenix last winter. But I’m not disappointed to forgo the experience of parachuting from an airplane. The window of interest closes on some dreams as we age and change. What’s important is to live without regret, to act on our foremost aspirations.

In 2013 Glen remembered I longed to visit the Badlands in my home province of Alberta, so we added two days to a trip to the Rocky Mountains for a wedding, to check that one off my unwritten list. The hoodoos moved me to feel I’d discovered my spiritual home — in an abstract sense as I wouldn’t want to live in Drumheller.

In the past, some items on our lists may have been fanciful. Riding a camel at the Giza Pyramids once struck me as a compelling diversion. At this stage, however, we might want to conceive our goals in the realm of the probable. A friend recently challenged me to make a list but, because I find it difficult to devise one that isn’t simply travel related, I wrote two. I omit any wishes pertaining to my family and friends, other than to note I always love getting together with our children and grandchildren who live 2100 miles away. And I’d like to dine at famed Vij’s restaurant with our friends who inspired this post.

WISH LIST
  1. Not having seen my favourite singer Ella Fitzgerald live, I hope one evening, in a decent seat, to watch Diana Krall perform. On her 2017-18 tour, she performed in Vancouver when I was in Phoenix and vice versa. I’d also be ecstatic to go to a concert featuring both Diana Krall and Tony Bennett singing songs by George and Ira Gershwin from a joint album released September 14, 2018 on the occasion of Bennett’s 92nd birthday.
  2. Attend an event featuring Rohinton Mistry whose novel A Fine Balance (1995) haunts me to this day. Immersing readers in an unnamed city in India, Mistry arouses all our senses in his beautifully written, tragic tale that follows the lives of four characters from diverse backgrounds during the Emergency of 1975-77. Even though it’s heart-rending, the story offers compassion, humour, unlikely friendships, even hope in the face of despair.
  3. Take a spectacular photo, worthy of enlarging and framing — to know I’ve improved my photographic eye and technical skills.
DESTINATION LIST
  1. Visit Newfoundland so I will have walked the ground in all ten provinces.
  2. Revisit Washington DC (last there in 1988) to tour the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum (1993), the Newseum (2008), and the National Museum of African American History and Culture (2016).
  3. Take a Northern European cruise sailing to St. Petersburg. Why? Because reading Tolstoy and Dostoevsky at age 20 sealed my preference for literary fiction. My parents raved about their trip to Stockholm in the ’70s and, decades later, I admire Scandinavian TV series. And I’ve never been. Cruising is convenient for seeing several cities on one excursion.
  4. Marvel at the Aurora Borealis for a second time; the first occurred in 1963 late on a summer’s eve in Edmonton. Perhaps realizing this one will enable me to capture the shot of wish #3!

Any list is inconsequential if we fail to reconcile it: mark actions completed, delete items no longer relevant, set different aspirations. I give myself three years to fulfill my two lists — though Rohinton Mistry must come to my aid by publishing a new novel.

Please add your opinion about lists. Or, if you accept their value, devise or update yours and share items in the comments below. •

bucket list
From my lists.

 

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16 Comments
Filed Under: Happiness, Well-being Tagged: tips

Comments

  1. Ian Wallace says

    September 17, 2018 at 12:32 pm

    Diana Krall will be playing at the Warner Theatre in Washington, DC, at 7:00 pm on Oct 9. Why not take in her show and then visit your preferred museums? Next, book a Baltic cruise, admire all the northern capitals, try for a few photos of the northern lights, and then finish up with several stops in Newfoundland ports? Having done all this would you add new items to your bucket list or call it a day? Holland-America used ro offer an itinerary like this. Whatever, your excellent list is truly inspiring!

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 17, 2018 at 5:49 pm

      You’ve compressed my timeline from three years to three months, except… We’ll be entertaining our grandchildren when Diana Krall entertains audiences at the Warner Theatre. And the best time to see the northern lights in Stockholm occurs at the worst time for me to visit. Still, I will try to complete my list in a timely manner and then decide to start anew or call it a day. Now, having met your challenge, Ian, I invite you to conceive your list(s) which you can show us at Vij’s!

      Reply
  2. Linda says

    September 17, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    I believe bucket lists are a positive thing, however, I have to admit I do not currently have one. Your article has reminded me to take some time for myself to think about what is important to me and write it down. Thanks Pam.

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 17, 2018 at 5:56 pm

      It’s an interesting exercise, Linda, and I hope you do take the time to write down your aspirations. Feel free to tell me about them!

      Reply
  3. Tim McPhail says

    September 17, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    Nina and I are in agreement on the Scandinavian cruise that includes St Petersburg. If Glen and you want company, give us a call. Nina knows some Russian !

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 17, 2018 at 5:50 pm

      I am not sure a Scandinavian cruise appears on Glen’s destination list. Will let you know.

      Reply
  4. Grant McPhail says

    September 17, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    I think a list is a good idea. Critics of the idea suggest that the list can become a list of the things you failed to do, if you don’t get them all. I’d say to keep it short! 🙂

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 17, 2018 at 5:54 pm

      When we were young, we probably would have devised long lists with wild abandon. Now we edit based on importance and probability, perhaps even affordability. I agree a short list is apt.

      Reply
  5. Judith A Frank says

    September 17, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Pam, while I have very much enjoyed your blog postings, this one resonates with me most strongly. In part, this clearly relates to my medical issues, though things remain stable at this time.
    The subject also resonates because of the sudden, unexpected loss of a very dear friend this past weekend.
    He finished an upbeat, energetic telephone call with another of our friends. He had just spent two days kayaking on the lake.near his summer home, and was so happy and enthusiastic about that experience. Less than an hour, he suffered a massive, fatal heart attack.
    The lesson for me? Make a list, do those things that can be done, and enjoy life while you have it. Life is too precious to take for granted
    Thanks for this discussion.
    Judy

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 17, 2018 at 6:02 pm

      Very sorry to learn of your friend’s death, Judy. We need every day to recall a mantra: “carpe diem.” It may be comforting to think he was doing that.

      Reply
  6. Roy says

    September 17, 2018 at 5:59 pm

    India!

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 17, 2018 at 6:48 pm

      If India is on your list, then be sure to read “A Fine Balance” before going. Mistry really transports us to his home country so I almost felt as though I’d been. And… watch “The Lunchbox”!

      Reply
  7. Sonya Bardati says

    September 17, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    Yes, one should really make a bucket list. Roberto died at 73 1/2 years old. He, once told me that he would live until 94 yrs and he would be shot by a jealous husband, lol. He had done everything he wanted to do except for one thing. One week before he died he said to me, “I should have gone to Italy, it was on my bucket list, that is one thing I regret”. He made me cry. He was born in Hamilton, Ont. of parents that were born in Italy. So, an Italian trip is on my bucket list. Since he could not do it, I will be doing it for him in his memory, September 2019. I will have all summer to brush up on my Italian.
    And, you are right Pam, as we age, timing is the essence, we should not postpone.

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 18, 2018 at 12:55 pm

      I’d forgotten how young Roberto was when he died. Good for you to take a pilgrimage, Sonya.

      Reply

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Welcome to Pam McPhail's blog about the sunset years, a metaphor for the stage in life when we're no longer fully occupied in the workplace or at home. We’re free to set our own agendas. Together let's explore how to make these years our best ever.
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