We remember doing something for the first time. Firsts are milestones in our memories, the occasions when we get our driver’s licence, fly in an airplane, see awesome scenery — Banff National Park, the Grand Canyon or the Pacific Ocean (for landlocked Prairie people) — taste alcohol and, dare I say, have sex. But how often do we recognize lasts?
I recall walking around Bishop’s University for the first time in August 1982. Bishop’s started in 1843 and its first Gothic Revival style building opened in 1846. At that time in Western Canada my childhood cities were still called Forts: Calgary and Edmonton. Glen remembers unlocking the door to his office at Bishop’s for the first time but also shutting it for the last — after his career there of 30 years. The first filled him with anticipation, the last with poignancy.
Sometimes we cannot know a last. We may not realize, for instance, when we’re speaking our final words to someone whom death later snatches from us. But even less dramatic lasts can be more memorable or poignant than firsts. At this stage we should try to pay attention to possible lasts, to pay homage to them.
REASONS TRIGGERING LASTS
- Divorce: Glen and I do not recall when we began playing mixed doubles with dear friends in Lennoxville, but we sure lament the last match. Sadly, their marriage dissolved in our presence; shedding tears on a tennis court, we brought to an end our many years of enjoyable play. With another couple, we did not know celebrating New Year’s Eve in 2013 would be our last meal with them together. Their marriage also resulted in divorce. We continue to see him but never said a last goodbye to her.
- Relocation: We both acknowledged the last night spent in our house of 22 years in Lennoxville. The painful process of concluding that life was abated by the excitement of starting a new one 3000 miles away. While Glen claims he’ll not return, I still don’t know whether or not I’ve seen the Town, the University and more important my Quebec friends for the last time.
- Loss of interest: We first camped at Fish Creek Pond Campground in the Adirondacks in 1992, little knowing it would become an annual holiday involving numerous friends and family through to 2010. Although we reserved sites to return in 2011, I decided before then that my camping days were over. My decision disappointed several people, in part because we had not marked the occasion of our last campfire.
- Limitations: I took up golf in the 1990s and for many years took pleasure in it. iCalendar shows my last round occurred on March 7, 2017 at Desert Canyon Golf Club with Glen, Brandon and Tim. Due to my limited ability, I do not regret abandoning the game — though might have liked to observe final rites.
- Retirement: We usually know the last day of our career job. But we may not realize our last day of work — paid or volunteer.
For healthy aging we must challenge ourselves by experiencing firsts — for example, in food, travel, games — as often as possible. Occasionally we do something for both a first and last time — and know it. Glen and I recently took a road trip to Monument Valley, making the most of our few days as we accepted we would not go back.
When we left our winter residence in Scottsdale, I wondered if we’ll know our last season in the sun. Or will something unpredictable happen in the ensuing seven months to prevent our return? And, if so, we won’t know to have said a final farewell to our friends in Arizona.
Although we may feel sad contemplating last time occurrences, perhaps they’re simply further evidence to live in the moment, to be conscious, aware and in the present with all of our senses, all of the time.
Please share your memorable first and/or last times. •
Linda W says
Certainly something to think of Pam. It actually made me a little sad thinking of some of my firsts and lasts. Love it!
Pam McPhail says
Linda, iCalendar shows you, Glen and I played our last round of golf together on July 4, 2016. It doesn’t have to be the last for you two. I am willing to walk the course while you play the game!
Patricia B says
I’ve always enjoyed walking the course more than swinging the club. Great blog entry Pam. Lots to think about.
Pam McPhail says
Thanks for adding your comments, Pat.
Judith A Frank says
This topic hits home for me, given my medical issues. I am very aware that some partings could be “lasts”. But, Allen and I focus more on making future plans, especially those involving time with kids and grandkids. We want to build memories for them as often as possible.
Warm regards to you and Glen.
Judy
Pam McPhail says
Judy, You present as a strong, happy woman, living in the moment, building good memories with family and friends. Although we know what lies beneath, you bear your issues well. See you in the late fall. Best regards to you and Al. Pam
Glen Wickens says
Firsts are always experienced in the moment but lasts usually in retrospect. Difficult to live in and enjoy the moment when you also know that you have reached the last occasion with valued friends or events. I wonder if it is better most of the time not to know that we are doing something that matters for the last time. I am reminded of Dylan Thomas’s “Fern Hill” about childhood and its loss: “Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,/Time held me green and dying/Though I sang in my chains like the sea.”
Pam McPhail says
You’re getting deep.😉 But I always welcome literary comments!
Tim McPhail says
Fine article Pam. However, as is my wont, I will add a caveat to your theme.
There are a few exceptions to the last moments being poignant theme. Nina and I remember the last time we smoked a cigarette, for example. After 10 unsuccessful years of trying to quit, Nina discovered she was pregnant. We did a ceremony together that involved a burying of our last packs of cigarettes and a pledge to never return to the burial sight. That was 40 years ago. You are right in that the moment is indelibly etched in our memories.
BTW, ironically both our children took up smoking !! Thankfully, vaping came to the rescue recently.
Pam McPhail says
Well said, Tim. Other exceptions? Glen might say poignancy doesn’t describe his feeling the last time he changed a diaper. Has he changed his last? He’s managed to avoid that task so far with our two grandsons but with the third he may resurrect the skill.😘
Rick, Victoria says
Dear Pam Landers
July 12, 1988. Standing erect, flush against the wall, looking down and seeing my toes for the last time before gravity and food and drink out performed exercise. Was that a poignant moment or should I simply use an angled mirror and move on? Just wondering.
Pam McPhail says
Best to avoid mirrors, but moving on? Yes. Keep moving is our mantra.🏃♂️
P.S. I knew you’d add levity to my post with your good humour.👌🏻