With the easing of pandemic restrictions, many of us will break out of our somewhat sheltered lives to resume favourite activities. But after enduring more than two years of cautious conduct, we may muddle along for awhile trying to find our level of comfort while also respecting the choices of others. Decisions will differ, for instance, on whether to wear a mask or not, go into full capacity venues or not, travel or not, hug or not. Psychologists say venturing out with less restrictions in place will exercise our tolerance for uncertainty and risk.
It may also test the sociability of people who acquired an appreciation for solitude during the pandemic. Five days of intense socializing with relatives exhausted me. By the time they departed, I could not bear the sound of my voice. My out-of-body, self critic whispered: “Oh no. Is she (me) really going to tell, or retell, that story? Do we really need to hear about …?”
Lack of practice compromised my stamina because sociability is like muscle mass: use it or lose it. However, just as we can establish fitness workouts, we can take measures to get fit, socially.
TIPS
- Start slowly, seeing an individual or a couple for a few hours once, maybe twice, a week. As our stamina builds, we can expand our socializing in numbers and duration.
- Vary our social regimen: with friends sample different cafés, visit neighbourhoods, museums and galleries, go for walks and talks in nature. Participants in a group formed at the peak of the pandemic say thrice weekly walks in Stanley Park “saved” their lives, by satisfying both social and physical needs.
- In this climate of polarization and negativity, conceiving positive — or even neutral — topics for discussion may not be easy. Keep fallbacks in mind to pivot from contentious issues. We want our social interactions to boost the happy hormones: serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins.
- If silence descends, don’t rush to fill the air with a new topic or opinion (guilty). Become relaxed with lulls, giving conversations a chance to occur organically.
- Don’t overload our calendars. When we’re not feeling sociable, allow ourselves to retreat into quietude.
Studies show living disconnected from others increases the risk of stroke, heart attack and premature death. Conversely, sociability contributes to better sleep, lower amounts of cortisol (a stress hormone) and improved cognitive function. Let’s get fit to enjoy regular engagements with friends and family. •
Christine Krueger says
I love and totally agree with all you’ve said so well. We need to sit and see how one can get our best balance. Thanks again, Pam!
Pam McPhail says
I’m glad my piece resonated with you, Chris. And thanks for adding the vital word “balance” to it.
Linda Richardson says
This is a very timely and useful post Pam. I am enjoying getting back into a routine of small hiking and walking groups. However we have had to make a point of not always talking about the latest pandemic news or the war in Ukraine but more about upcoming travel plans. A nice change of pace!
Nina McPhail says
Thank you Pam, for putting words to how I have been feeling for quite a long time. I will strive to socialize more than in the past 2 years, and still take time for solitude that will include your tips on exercise, reading and quiet contemplation – all endeavours that calm the soul.
Patricia Britton says
Well done Pam. I’ve found that my close friendships have been strengthened by more frequent video visits and chats. That has been a plus. Before pandemic these connections were by coffee or lunch visits or other. Now they are more frequent video visits. What I do miss is the group gatherings; symphony, plays, museums, other larger gatherings. I don’t know if I feel ready to do those yet. But I definitely agree that it is “use it or lose it”. It’s good to raise these issues Pam. Thank you.
Pam McPhail says
Thank you Linda, Nina and Pat for enriching my post with your observations. I look forward to socializing with you in Victoria, Toronto and Winnipeg in 2022.