Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.” Charles Dickens
I’ve struggled with the notion of ‘home’ ever since leaving mine in Edmonton AB at age 18. For a decade I sampled cities and towns, even the backwoods of BC, across Canada, returning to our family house when I needed a safe place to be for a while. Eventually my parents sold the house, deeming it too big for empty-nesters, and rented an apartment downtown with a glorious view of the river valley. To their surprise, one son from Calgary and my dad’s brother from Brandon opted to move in with them. Then a few months later I too relocated from Calgary to their apartment, bumping the two male transients. Sorry Rick and Uncle John!
At this stage I embraced Edmonton, seeing the city through a different lens from my youth, and along the way I also embraced Glen. Like me, Glen had lived in Ontario but relished being in Western Canada. We vowed to make a good life in Alberta, but then … A job opportunity arose for Glen at Bishop’s University in Lennoxville QC. Back to Eastern Canada.
OUTSIDERS MOVING IN
Geographically, we moved 2400 miles away; psychologically and emotionally, we entered a strange new world. We encountered linguistic challenges — given our rudimentary high school French — and social ones. For example, when the Principal found out about our illicit (read unmarried) relationship, he withdrew a dinner invitation. Later on our adopted, biracial son met prejudice, as did individuals who ‘came out’ in this rather parochial community. Because theatres seldom showed English language movies and language laws prohibited English subtitles on international ones, we welcomed the advent of VCRs. I won’t discuss Quebec politics and the agonizing referendum of 1995, though will say I came to understand the rise of the Parti Quebecois and the passage in 1977 of Bill 101.
Glen and I committed to accentuating the positive. We created a nurturing environment for our children, formed wonderful friendships, established rewarding careers, enjoyed two dozen Christmas vacations in Toronto thanks to my brothers’ hospitality, developed decent tennis games, and cherished holidays with family and friends in Northeastern USA. In short, we made ourselves happy.
We also owned two houses in Lennoxville, the second one — which we loved — for 22 years. But a house alone is not a home. Home is more than a building. It’s the place where what lies outside us best matches our inner needs and values. Although Glen and I knew we’d move on in retirement, we wondered where to go? Where to find home after 30 years away from our beloved West?
MOVING ON
Serendipity played a role in our discovery of a new place to live. In 2011 we rented a condo for two weeks in downtown Vancouver so I could attend workshops at SFU and Glen a few CFL games. Although we rented a car at the airport, we walked everywhere. On the fifth day we strolled over to the Vancouver Art Gallery to view an exhibition on surrealism. Then we walked to the VanCity Theatre to watch Bobby Fischer Against the World. We discussed the exhibit and documentary while dining at Glen’s favourite White Spot, a restaurant founded in Vancouver in 1928.
That night walking back to our rental unit, I experienced an epiphany and stopped suddenly to announce: “Let’s move to Vancouver.” “Really”? mumbled a stunned Glen. “Yes, really.”
Since Glen grew up in East Vancouver, we visited the city most summers, staying with his parents in the family house. He hoped to return to his birthplace, even after his parents died, but didn’t think I’d choose it in our sunset years. We phoned our children in Toronto to tell them of our proposed move. Disappointed we wouldn’t be closer to them, they nonetheless accepted our plan or at least acknowledged the attraction of Vancouver.
On our return to Lennoxville we launched The Relocation Project. Stay tuned for more about this venture. After all, Glen and I are not alone in undertaking a move in retirement. •
Jim McGeer says
Great stuff Pam.
Pam McPhail says
Thanks, Jim.
Grant McPhail says
Very relevant. We are poking around looking at potential winter retreats. Our summers will be at Clear Lake with many friends and family as long as we are able to do it.
Pam McPhail says
The world opens up when we no longer make decisions based on building careers and/or raising children. Hope you and Dale find the “right” retreat.
Tim McPhail says
Fine article Pam, but in an attempt to boost the controversy level, please allow me to digress slightly.
90% of the articles and comments about real estate these days want governments to do something drastic about housing affordability. The Boomers were extremely fortunate to have come into their home buying years while prices were affordable. Nina and I made our home the primary focus of our retirement plans. No RRSP, no mutual funds, no bonds. I’m sure most of your readers have or had a large part of their retirement funds in their house. And their capital gain when selling – tax free (we hope). Most of the retired people I know have come into a considerable amount of money when their house was sold. And one of the first things they do is help their children and grandchildren with today’s sky-high housing costs. Things like no interest loans or a gift of a down payment. So leave the real estate markets alone all you meddling politicians.
I’ve observed that you and Glen have been very generous to your children; in part because of the sale of your home in Lennoxville. And I’ve observed the same generosity from all our family Boomers, as well as from our parents when they downsized. Seems to be the natural way things go in close families.
Thank You, Tim McPhail
Pam McPhail says
You do digress, Tim. I will touch on the topic of real estate in a future post, so no controversial reply at this time!
Linda Richardson says
Victoria, where I live, is a hotbed for high housing prices just like Vancouver and Toronto. The Greater Victoria population is growing rapidly and the availability of detached houses, townhomes and condos is not keeping pace. Some developers are building new townhomes with legal rental suites to help young homebuyers afford sky-high mortgages. Today I read that the City Council has approved new regulations so that homeowners can build garden suites on their lots that can also be rented to tenants. Our vacancy rate is 0.5% so affordable rental accommodation is also very hard to find. They have reduced the fee for getting a permit as well as the time required to get one and they can be approved by City officials, rather than by the Council. A small step but going in the right direction. A very complex issue. Looking forward to your future blog about real estate Pam.
Pam McPhail says
My discussion of real estate will not address its complexity, because the subject — top topic of conversation in Vancouver, likely in Victoria and Toronto as well — is too complex for me!
Linda Richardson says
Well said Pam. Raised on the prairies, I too moved to live in the East for a time – Toronto and Montreal – and then further east to England and Norway (briefly). When I moved back to Alberta, I remember feeling that this was really home. I had missed the expansive blue skies, family and everything that I thought Alberta had to offer (except for the mostly right of center political party). However, my husband Rick and I decided to move somewhere new when we retired and that was to beautiful Victoria, which we love. I think we have both embraced the milder climate, beautiful landscape and slightly slower lifestyle. I have also felt very much at home with the west coast lefties – Sorry Rick. We have visited Alberta a number of times since and, although it all seems very familiar, it doesn’t feel like our home anymore. Now when people ask us where home is, we always say Victoria – a small condo apartment by the water!
Pam McPhail says
You and Rick took a leap of faith, albeit a carefully planned one, in moving to Victoria. So glad it’s turned out to be “home.”
Linda Richardson says
Well Pam, Rick and I were taking a page from your and Glen’s book when you moved to Vancouver.
Glen Wickens says
I am excited to read the rest of your narrative, Pam, and to relive our past. I certainly remember embracing you!
Nina says
Like you Pam, leaving your Prairie home, I left my Rocky Mountain home at the tender age of 18as well. How young we were, although at the time, I thought I was very grown up. When I met your brother, it didn’t take long for me to know that where ever he wanted to be, would be home for me. That’s how we ended up in Toronto, far from the Rockies, where my heart still resides. We were embraced by your aunt, uncle and cousins here in Toronto, and we made it our home. Our house has seen much activity over the 31 years we have lived in it. Raising kids, pool parties, barbecues aplenty, many wonderful Christmases, and lots and lots of love. Now we too are moving on. I must admit that I am somewhat anxious as it seems like the pinnacle has been reached and we are now descending. At the same time, I am optimistic that our next home in the city will be as positive an experience as yours is in Vancouver. Although my heart still sings when I cross the Rockies into B.C., I am always ready to come back to my Toronto home. I guess not much has changed since I was 18.
Pam McPhail says
Glen and I worked hard to make our experience positive, and in future posts I will discuss the challenges and opportunities that accompany a move. As with anything in life, however, attitude is a key factor. Sounds like you’ve got a good one for your next stage. BTW: you moved to Wildrose Crescent in 1987, 30 years ago. How do I remember? Because Glen and I celebrated our wedding at your house on Dunblaine on December 26, 1986.
Linda Richardson says
Good luck with your move from the ‘burbs’ to downtown T.O. Nina. I understand your anxiety but hope that you will have fun exploring the urban landscape and being a ‘townie’.
Ian Wallace says
Dear Pam,
I like your blog more and more, especially when you tackle controversial topics.
Pat and I spent most of our working life in places where English was a minority language. Nonetheless, just like you and Glen in Quebec, we enjoyed ourselves, even though we never could say that we felt really “at home”.
But there may be more to this than language, eg, my sister has lived her entire adult life in the UK and retains a slight Canadian accent which sets her apart as an outsider, somewhat to her displeasure.
In Vancouver, in contrast, it is easy for Canadians like us to blend in, and Pat and I are content living in a place where we recognise and feel comfortable with the local culture.
Living in a foreign environment is almost like leading a double life, ie, the original Canadian experience as well as a second, separate life in a completely different place. Some find this highly stimulating. Perhaps we will sell our wee condo and move to Finland or New Zealand for a while?
Let’s hear more about your dual BC/Arizona lives. Is it easy to feel “at home” in places as different as BC and AZ?
Also, I am looking forward to learning more about your relocation from Lennoxville to Scottsdale/Vancouver! Keep on writing!
Ian
Pam McPhail says
Many thanks, Ian, for your gracious comments. Yes, leading a double life is a good way to describe our experiences in foreign environments, which can be stimulating for sure. Even though Glen and I weren’t “at home” in Quebec, we eventually created our comfort zone, as perhaps you did too. Exiting Quebec was an upheaval, despite moving to a place where we would blend in. I’ve since read leaving our comfort zone helps us to age well, but the jury’s still out…