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Sunset Years

Making the later years the best ever!

NOSTALGIA IS NICE

December 18, 2022

In the past I attended, even organized, family reunions and in my job at Bishop’s University alumni gatherings. It never occurred to me to get involved in a high school reunion, in a city I’d not lived in for decades with people I’d not seen for as many years. But after friends from my youth found me through Facebook and my blog, five of us began planning a reunion. In September 2022 over 90 people from our East Edmonton neighbourhoods got together to reminisce and catch up.

Thinking about reunions brings to mind the word ‘nostalgia’, a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past. I’m not prone to nostalgia, so my intention to reconnect with long lost friends and acquaintances confounded Glen. He could not comprehend why I chose to revisit my teens, a stage when, frankly, we are not our best selves. Yet at our age now we may enjoy letting memories surface for our consideration. In fact looking to the past can be beneficial. Professor Rhiannon Turner claims recalling pleasurable past events awakens positive emotions within us. And then sharing our nostalgia with others causes us to behave positively towards them.

Nostalgia can also offset loneliness and boredom. In that regard the Reunion Project, undertaken during Covid lockdowns in 2020, proved timely. I spent copious hours tracking down schoolmates and then engaged in lengthy email exchanges with them. Eventually I met some in person, prior to the Reunion which the pandemic delayed by two years. My bank of friends expanded exponentially. I feel blessed by this unforeseen perk of reunion planning and vow to continue nurturing friendships with several individuals (you know who you are) from our hometown.

As long as our minds dodge the fruitless speculations of ‘what if…?’ or ‘if only’, we can learn from past events and relationships. Because we cannot change our past, we must dispel the debilitating emotions of regret and guilt. If we frame our memories, both positive and negative ones, as lessons that shape our character, nostalgia can contribute to our personal growth in the present. After all, “the past is a lesson, not a life sentence.” (anon)

Our guest list for the Reunion comprised a mix of people united by age and a couple of high schools. To prepare words of welcome, I reflected on the experience of growing up in the Highlands and environs. Memories arose of having good times with good friends in our homes, on safe streets, at school, at the A&W, and in the local dance hall. So too did living the principle of egalitarianism. Although our neighbourhoods weren’t really racially diverse in the sixties, they were economically, socially and culturally so. We practiced diversity before we even knew the word. In hindsight I cannot conceive a better place — and era — to come of age.

For the Reunion, four of us stayed amid our past haunts at the historic Gibbard Block. As we ambled about our former ’hood, a feeling enveloped Linda Kennedy (a friend since elementary school) — that we could walk to a nearby park and swing as in the bliss of youth. Nostalgia is nice. ♥

P.S. Many thanks to everyone who participated in the Reunion. We can wax nostalgic about our hours together in the clubhouse of the Highlands Golf Course.

I was the fourth of six McPhails to graduate from Eastglen.

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14 Comments
Filed Under: Happiness

Comments

  1. Ron Charuk says

    December 18, 2022 at 7:48 am

    Pam, you have succinctly and beautifully described the day. It was everything you describe and I will cherish that memory forever. So glad to be a part of this!

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      December 20, 2022 at 10:36 am

      It took awhile (thanks to Covid) but we pulled off the reunion, Ron, and a good time was had by all. Like you, I am happy our project created lasting memories.

      Reply
  2. Tracy Ware says

    December 18, 2022 at 7:58 am

    I like your ambivalence towards nostalgia, which we may resist precisely because we cannot escape it. The history of the word is suggestive: at first it involved the loss of home, or even the disease of homelessness, in the full medical sense of “disease”; now it often means “sentimental yearning” (Oxford Concise Dictionary). It can easily become regressive, but your article suggests that it need not do so. Would anyone prefer a rejection of the past to an acceptance of our imperfect attitudes towards it?

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      December 20, 2022 at 11:56 am

      For our growth, it’s valuable to accept our imperfect attitudes to the past and also our imperfect recollections of it. Especially within families, memories may not coalesce. These days I try not to assert mine as the “right” ones —- except when I know I’m right.😉

      Reply
  3. Catherine McCallum says

    December 18, 2022 at 9:35 am

    Once again, I want to thank you and the other organizers for arranging the reunion. It was a delightful ‘blast from the past’. Seeing faces, albeit a little wrinkled but easily recognizable, from those years instantly brought back fond remembrances of my formative years. It was wonderful to hear about the wide variety of life journeys others went through.

    Although not everyone was able to come to the reunion, I was able to reconnect with some well cherished friends in my search for past schoolmates, yourself included. One friend, living right across the lake from me, was able to celebrate my seventh decade with me this week.
    Thanks again!

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      December 20, 2022 at 11:04 am

      I got far more out of the reunion and its planning than I put into it. Reconnecting with the past has been entirely beneficial. The renewed friendships, including with you, Cathy, are giving me pleasure in the present.

      Reply
  4. Marlie says

    December 18, 2022 at 9:37 am

    Wonderful words.

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      December 20, 2022 at 10:40 am

      Thanks, Marlie. We spent a wonderful 48 hours together in our hometown. Maybe Gibbard Block merits a return visit.

      Reply
  5. Barbara Richardson says

    December 18, 2022 at 9:43 am

    I had an interesting experience discussing a possible school reunion with an elementary school chum. We have not had much contact for decades but after moving to Vancouver, where she has been living, I looked her up. I was chatting about how much fun previous reunions I attended had been. She was quiet. Then she said: ‘ I would never attend a reunion. It would just bring back bad memories.,’ She went on to explain that she had been bullied. I was surprised and didn’t really know what to say. Thinking back, I recalled her as being a chubby young girl who was not involved in the activities I was. I never thought of it, but realize now, that she probably was bullied and teased. It reminded me of how different a memory can be of an experience for those involved. It also showed how certain memories scar and forever remain painful. School for each of has held formative moments. Some happy, some perhaps not. Your comment about ‘framing’ nostalgia was a good one. Some memories are best left behind but we can always find some happy moments of fun and joy to warm our hearts from time to time.
    Thanks for another good commentary and thoughtful post. Always a good read. Fan here!

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      December 20, 2022 at 10:46 am

      There’s something to be said for making peace with our past, however challenging it may be. No one wants to be bullied but perhaps your friend learned, profoundly, to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That lesson would serve her well in life.
      Thanks for your complimentary words, Barb!

      Reply
  6. Linda Jean Richardson says

    December 18, 2022 at 1:37 pm

    Excellent subject to share with us retirees Pam. For me, a 100th Western Canada High School Reunion in Calgary in 2003 morphed into reunions that same weekend for friends from Kindergarten, Elementary School and Junior High School. That tri-reunion opportunity triggered a huge cache of childhood memories, including those related to an old High School flame whom I saw for the first time in 34 years. In addition, every 5 years after graduating from Nursing School and then Law School, I would help organize and attend those reunions. The year 2019 included a 50 year Nursing Reunion and a 40 year Law Reunion, both in Edmonton. Although all of those reunions were, in most cases, happily nostalgic, I am not sure that I will attend the 55 year and 45 year events, respectively. Perhaps I have gathered enough memories and nostalgia for the foreseeable future….

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      December 20, 2022 at 10:56 am

      You’ve been a faithful reunion goer over the years, Linda. Guess you’ll just wait to see how you feel about attending another one or two in 2024.
      You didn’t describe your encounter with the old flame. I will eke out the details when next we meet. 😉

      Reply
  7. Janet Anderson says

    December 18, 2022 at 2:42 pm

    Well said Pam.

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      December 20, 2022 at 11:37 am

      A well organized reunion by you (and a few others), Janet. I’m glad you’ve re-entered my life as a result of it.🥰

      Reply

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Welcome to Pam McPhail's blog about the sunset years, a metaphor for the stage in life when we're no longer fully occupied in the workplace or at home. We’re free to set our own agendas. Together let's explore how to make these years our best ever.
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