• HOME
  • INTRODUCTION
  • FUN FACTS FRIDAYS
  • TV THURSDAYS
  • GOOD BOOKS
  • C O N T A C T

Sunset Years

Making the later years the best ever!

LIVING OBITUARIES

August 25, 2019

Recently I had occasion to write a tribute on behalf of the McPhails to a longtime family friend, Nancy Power. Since Nancy attended the memorials of our Dad and Mom, true and loving friend that she’d been since 1958, the McPhail children were happy to send a few recollections to a celebration of her life.

I sent a first draft to my four brothers to edit. We eventually settled on appropriate words for Rick’s son to read at the gathering. Later Brian jokingly suggested I write my brothers’ obituaries today for them to edit and approve for the future. “The prospect of crafting four obituaries will send me to an early grave,” I replied. “Given I will predecease you, you can flip a coin or draw straws to write mine instead.” On reflection, however, I thought: what an excellent idea.

Composing obituaries compels us to recall nice thoughts about individuals. We resurrect the best memories about them from our shared pasts. Going through this exercise when we’re all still alive offers a prime opportunity to refresh our relationships with family and friends.

We don’t need to show the eulogies to anyone. Rather, we bear them in mind while continuing in our regular communications. It’s a variation on the benefits of expressing gratitude as we remind ourselves often to accentuate the positive.

If someone influenced us favourably in earlier years, we can aim to maintain or revive the behaviour. For instance, I noted in Nancy’s tribute that we witnessed camaraderie, merrymaking, loyalty and compassion in our parents and their friends. Ideally my generation embraces these traits even now.

Glen and I did not attend a service last spring in honour of a dear friend Judy Frank. But her husband provided a link to an online video. We sensed Judy’s presence in every song, every reading, every moment of the ceremony. Judy knew profoundly how much her friends and family cherished her. They’d already spoken living obituaries to her. ♥

P.S. To family and friends: if you feel your ears burn in the next few weeks, understand that I am writing about your winsome ways.

McPhail children, Clear Lake MB (1962)

Share this:

  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)

Related

12 Comments
Filed Under: Happiness, Well-being

Comments

  1. Ron Charuk says

    August 25, 2019 at 5:54 pm

    Great article Pam! Certainly something to think about!

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      August 26, 2019 at 10:46 am

      Thanks, Ron.

      Reply
  2. Glen Wickens says

    August 25, 2019 at 6:00 pm

    Who is that is that cute gal, fourth from the left? My wife! I agree, Pam: why wait for an obituary to praise a close friend or family member. So, I will say right now that you turned out to be even more beautiful than the young woman in the photo.

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      August 26, 2019 at 10:47 am

      I like to think you’re not being superficial by referring to physical beauty only!

      Reply
  3. Linda W says

    August 25, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    Another article causing me to think about how important friends and family are, and to let them know while they are alive.
    Clear Lake in 62….maybe I was there too. A great place to make memories.

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      August 26, 2019 at 10:52 am

      I’d forgotten your family might also have spent holidays at Clear Lake, Linda. You had a shorter drive. We drove over 1000 km from Edmonton, jammed into one car, no seat belts of course, with Mom and Dad chain-smoking in the front. Plenty of relatives greeted our arrival for happy times, so the trek was worth it.

      Reply
  4. Grant McPhail says

    August 25, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    One of the exercises we did in a retirement and estate planning seminar was to write our own obituaries. Nobody knows you better. If you don’t write down how you want to be remembered somebody else will. It is a great reflective exercise. Thanks for the ideas.

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      August 26, 2019 at 10:53 am

      Not sure I want to guide anyone on how to remember me. I hope through my actions they can come up with some positive observations on their own.

      Reply
  5. TIM MCPHAIL says

    August 26, 2019 at 6:28 am

    One of the most appropriate topics ever for our Sunset Years, Pam. For after “the dying of the light”, we inevitably enter “that good night”.

    So in the last few weeks I’ve taken your advice and signed over my organs and body to the medical establishment, and I am now started to write living obituaries.

    Tim

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      August 26, 2019 at 10:55 am

      👍👍

      Reply
  6. Rod MacArthur says

    September 21, 2019 at 11:52 am

    I have always been intrigued about the idea of a personalized eulogy.

    Perhaps a video taped message to those that we leave behind… to complement the celebration and to facilitate closure.

    Rod

    Reply
    • Pam McPhail says

      September 21, 2019 at 4:31 pm

      An intriguing idea, Rod, though I would opt for an audio, no visual, recording. Not everyone speaks and behaves naturally in front of a camera. I might actually “harm” people’s recollections through my wooden performance! Our ideas are only good if we implement them. Maybe you start now and periodically update over the many decades of your life. Get to it!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Welcome to Pam McPhail's blog about the sunset years, a metaphor for the stage in life when we're no longer fully occupied in the workplace or at home. We’re free to set our own agendas. Together let's explore how to make these years our best ever.
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn

Recent Posts

  • MIND THE BRAIN
  • DATE YOURSELF
  • FUN FACTS FRIDAYS: RIDDLES
  • INTERGENERATIONAL INFLUENCE
  • SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS
  • FUN FACTS FRIDAYS: CHOCOLATE
  • TV THURSDAYS: DAHAAD

Recent Comments

  • Janet Anderson on MIND THE BRAIN
  • Dahaad is a riveting crime drama set in a town in northwest India. on TV THURSDAYS: INFORMER
  • MarilynRB on MIND THE BRAIN
  • Patricia Britton on MIND THE BRAIN

Archives

Categories

Copyright © 2023

Copyright © 2023 · Hawaii Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}