Guest writer Tanya Loretto is a Spiritual Mentor within the Christian tradition but journeys with people of all faith traditions, as well as those with no religious affiliation. She has personal and professional experience in the areas of grief, neurological disability, mental illness, dementia, and addiction. She wrote the following article for my blog.
No one will forget 2020, a year of a global pandemic, divisive politics, and racial awakenings. Thankfully the impending COVID-19 vaccines are lightening our spirits.
All of us have lost much this year. While each of us has our own unique experience of loss, no one has been unscathed. Some people have experienced huge losses — employment, loved ones, mental health, financial stability, and marriages, to name a few. But most of us have lost things that we wouldn’t necessarily consider serious. Small things that build one upon the other; tiny losses that can drain us, as we adapt to the new realities of life. Grocery shopping, going to the doctor, connecting with friends, worshipping, and exercising now require conscious thought. No longer can we go through our days on automatic pilot.
For people in the sunset years there are other new realities. We’ve had to face that we are in COVID’s vulnerable group. Perhaps our medical tests and/or procedures have been delayed. Some of us can’t hug our children, grandchildren, or other loved ones, or even see them in person. Many of us who rely on traveling to warmer climates can’t do what we have previously relied on to stay physically and emotionally healthy.
It’s not easy to stay away from the news that constantly swirls around us. We want to stay informed and yet the headlines can make us anxious. News information about COVID is also shining light on some of our societal weaknesses and challenges — our reliance on alcohol and drugs to deal with stress, people being unsafe as they quarantine in their own homes, racialized groups being disproportionately affected by the disease, etcetera, etcetera.
Truly we are experiencing individual and collective grief.
Adding to the losses are the realities of living in a time of uncertainty, confusion, and fear. We don’t know how this pandemic is going to unfold. When it will be over? Will our lives ever go back to normal? And what will the new normal look like? The invisibility of the virus and its effects make everything seem strange, perhaps even scary.
COVID-19 may sound terrible, and for some it has been. I am not disregarding its negative effects and I for one, who listens to people for a living, have experienced this secondarily through my clients. But at the risk of seeming to be Pollyannaish, I would like to share what I have learned in this pandemic about the resiliency and creativity of human beings.
Many of my clients have rediscovered or found the value of their own homes, neighbourhoods, towns, and provinces. They are seeing the beauty around them that had previously gone unnoticed during their busy pre-COVID lives. Squirrels, birds, trees and other parts of the natural world have become more important to them. Many are doing new things in their homes: exercising, dancing, painting, baking, and praying. They are more able to be alone with themselves. Some have put an emphasis on building deeper relationships with those they live with.
Many families have reworked weddings, birthdays, funerals and other significant life celebrations in imaginative, COVID-friendly ways. And almost everyone has learned about Zoom and other internet platforms so they can connect with others and take online classes, workshops, and retreats. Some have even experienced Zoomfatigue.
But more importantly, I’d say my clients, and I along with them, have gained some COVID-based wisdom. Wisdom about how joy and sorrow are intertwined and are a part of everyday life. Wisdom about the world and its interconnectedness, the diversity and value of all people, and how each of us has a positive role to play in our own particular circumstances. The pandemic has helped us to see what’s important in life and stretched us to grow in compassion.
PERSONAL REFLECTION
If in reading this post, you feel a desire to reflect on your own pandemic-based wisdom, below is an exercise that might be of assistance.
In a quiet space, perhaps with a cup of tea, look back over 2020. Go month by month, remembering what you can. Afterwards, ask yourself the following questions. It can be helpful to write down your memories and responses.
- What events/people/things from 2020 are you most grateful for?
- What events/people/things from 2020 are you least grateful for?
- What have you learned that you didn’t know at the beginning of 2020?
- What has given you hope this year?
- What have you learned about your ability to be creative and/or resilient this year?
- What changes in your life do you want to hold onto when we go into our “new normal?”
- What are you looking forward to?
Tim McPhail says
Thank You for this well written article, Tanya.
What changes in your life do you want to hold onto when we go into our “new normal?”
I have seen a positive change in my hygiene habits and that of the general public. This is the first year I haven’t had a late fall / early winter cold or flu. If someone sneezes or coughs, it is dealt with suitably. It’s also much easier now to teach the children the importance of cleanliness.
Another keeper for me is the diminishment of the obligatory handshake. I have adopted the Japanese convention of bowing from 6+ feet away. Similarly, hugging casual acquaintances will no longer be de rigueur.
Cheers, Tim
Tanya Loretto says
Dear Tim; Regarding hygiene–I have witnessed similar changes in myself and others. I guess it took Covid for many of us to realize the importance of basic hygiene. And while I miss hugs, the bow is a respectful and very beautiful way to connect with others. I’m not sure I’ll ever go back either. Thank you for your comment. Blessings, Tanya
Ian says
Tanya’a reflections on the 2020 year of Covid have given us all lots to think about. As the new year approaches I am thankful that all my family members and friends have survived this dreadful year, no small achievement in a very few cases. I am grateful to be able to rely on a first-rate public health care system where, for the most part, people are doing their best to look out for one another and to respect the guidelines handed down by the medical authorities. For a few months in the summer I really enjoyed the evening pot- banging sessions in support of front-line hospital staff and other key workers. Many neighbourhoods were enlivened by such displays of community spirit and I am hoping that this will carry on into post-pandemic times. Also very welcome to see were the multitudes of walkers and cyclists who took to the streets and seawall, eager to get some exercise and mingle with other people, although not too closely. Finally, it has been inspiring to observe small countries such as New Zealand and Senegal crush the virus through a massive societal response. Small is beautiful. Thank you Tanya for encouraging us to look back over the year. I think there is a lot to be positive about. Thanks also to Tim for his helpful reminder about cleanliness, handshakes, and hugging.
Tanya Loretto says
Dear Ian;
Your list of gratitude is so uplifting. Thank you for sharing so many of the good things in amongst the challenges of the year. Your comment about people walking and cycling resonates with me right now as I see numerous people out in our neighbourhood. Before Covid, there were few, if any people out. Now, it feels like a real neighbourhood. New years blessings, Tanya
Pam McPhail says
Glen and I, often with Brandon, spend time on Christmas or New Year’s Eves reviewing the year. We will use your questions to stimulate our conversation and maybe come to recognize new pandemic-based wisdom in each of us. Thanks for your thought provoking piece, Tanya.
Tanya Loretto says
Hi Pam;
Enjoy your New Year’s conversation! May it be rich and filled with wisdom.
Kindly, Tanya
Glen Wickens says
We are grateful, Tanya, to your husband, Peter, for agreeing to bend the rules a bit and be our fourth for doubles tennis. I know what you mean by gaining a new appreciation for one’s surroundings. At first I thought the drive out to UBC for indoor tennis would be tiresome but I grew to love the journey along 16th avenue and past Pacific Spirit Park with all the Fall leaves changing. Thanks for reminding us that the pandemic has not just been a negative event.
Tanya Loretto says
Hi Glen;
May you continue to be able to see beauty, even in times and places that may seem to be tiresome…
And I’m happy that Peter can continue to play.
Peace, Tanya
Kathleen Rowlands says
Hi Maevus,
I’ve just written your personal reflection questions into my journal. I am going to think about these questions each day as 2020 comes to a close.
Love from,
You Know Who
Tanya Loretto says
Dear Sister; I’m glad that the questions resonate for you. Be blessed, Tanya
Patricia Young says
Hi Tanya, I first read your excellent and inspiring article several days before Christmas and have just come back to read it again. Thank you for this and for the thought-provoking questions you have provided for us all. Like others, we had to cancel many activities this year. Rather than feeling a sense of loss, I see this as merely a postponement for an essential purpose – our continuing good health as well as that of the wider community. I have come, like so many, to appreciate we don’t need to travel far and wide to have a good life. We have all we need around us. I feel gratitude for many things but most particularly for the consistently positive attitude and steadying presence of my husband, Ian – whose excellent comments are above. Who knows what I would be writing right now otherwise.
Tanya Loretto says
Hi Pat; I’m glad that you found the questions thought provoking and that you and Ian have found some positive ground on which to stand during this unprecedented time. New Year’s blessings to you both, Tanya