To move, or not to move — that is the question, when contemplating retirement. Sixty-four percent of Americans say they’ll probably move at least once in retirement, citing reasons such as proximity to family (29%), reduction in home expenses (26%) and change in health (17%) or marital (12%) status. In a study of Canadians, 57% indicated weather as their prime motivation to move.
Because Glen and I were embarking on a journey to find ‘home’, in its deepest meaning, we did not conform to the reasons. Fortunately, we agreed on the destination, a crucial factor in any relocation project. Some couples do not. Before saying hello to a new place, however, we must bid our old one goodbye.
In a list of stressful lifetime events, research says the stress of selling a house comes above the levels experienced when losing a job, becoming a parent or planning a wedding. Certainly Glen and I agonized every step of the way, literally. We’d walk 25 minutes along a river path, crafting a plan for selling our house, then on the return reverse our decisions.
SELLING THE FAMILY HOUSE
- Price matters. We must determine the house’s value, pick a list price and price it to sell. May sound easy, yet our house is likely our most valuable asset. We want top dollar for it.
- What we believe our house is worth doesn’t matter. Nor does it matter what a real estate agent thinks. Our house is only worth as much as a buyer is willing to pay for it. That’s a hard lesson to absorb.
- We interviewed two realtors to settle on a list price, with the first one serving, unintentionally, as a building inspector. She outlined flaws in our house, from the need for a new roof to replacing an atrium pane, adding eaves troughs to neutralizing our interior colours, so many that we questioned if she even wanted the listing. The second one simply confirmed an amount we had in mind; we signed an agreement.
- Staging houses has become de rigueur, and rightly so. A house must present curb appeal from the outside and a favourable first impression inside. We invested a fair bit of money preparing, and repairing, our house to put on the market.
- Once a house is listed, the first few weeks of showings are critical. Interest wanes the longer a house sits on the market or, in the parlance of the business, the listing goes stale.
- Real estate agents don’t agree on the merits of holding an Open House. Our realtor opposed the idea, claiming it would attract the wrong traffic (curious neighbours, for example), but we insisted. As luck had it, a prospective buyer came to the Open House and he eventually made an acceptable offer.
PACKING UP AFTER 30 YEARS
“It’s easier to die than to move … at least for the Other Side you don’t need trunks.” Wallace Stegner
We were in a quandary deciding what to keep, to give to friends, to donate, to sell, to recycle or to trash. Since our place in Vancouver, though not yet found, would be considerably smaller than our house, much of our furniture would not suit the space. Downsizing, or rightsizing as it’s commonly called, warrants its own post, but I will say now my mom’s temperament prevailed in the selection process. Suppressing sentimentality, I rather ruthlessly chose which few possessions to take — for storage in Toronto for six months and then on our cross-Canada expedition.
Consumed by the business — selling and sorting — of relocation, we may neglect our emotions. For example, I’d scheduled a tennis match and meal with my favourite female partners shortly before our departure but, as the time drew near, I realized I could not bear the anguish of a last match. I cancelled it. Bidding adieu to dear friends broke my heart. Walking through our house filled me with sorrow. Never again would we entertain in our beloved place! I choked back gallons of tears in the final hours and on the highway to Toronto.
Did we make mistakes in the editing process? Yes. Were they irrevocable ones? Yes. Do we live with regret? No. We must not carry negative baggage.
In 30 years I amassed a wealth of cherished memories — both personal and professional. I remembered to pack those! •
Tim McPhail says
Well Pam, You’ve certainly chosen a topic that all of us “right agers” can identify with. I would like to add something you didn’t mention in your post : the virtue of freeing up space for the next generation. Like your family, we’ve occupied a large lot near good schools for 30 years. The neighborhood is perfect for young families. When the children are grown and off to their careers, it’s almost selfish to hold this prime land because of memories we want to cling to. Presently, we are excited to sell our suburban home to move to a smaller place downtown near theaters, museums, galleries, arenas, and restaurants. Our footprint will be smaller, and the present scarcity of detached homes in the GTA will be incrementally alleviated. Good wishes to the family that takes our place, may your 30 years be as enjoyable as ours.
Tim McPhail
Pam McPhail says
Noble reasoning indeed for selling your home, Tim. Unfortunately not many families can afford detached houses in the GTA or Vancouver. But I don’t want to visit in writing the treacherous topic of real estate.
Linda Richardson says
Good point Tim. My husband and I traded a large home (with lots of storage) and a large lot for a small condo apartment with no garage or yard and limited storage. It was a huge job and very emotional to declutter and downsize our possessions but ultimately, liberating. We used garage sales, neighborhood give-aways, sales on Kijiji, donations, recycling, etc. The best thing was to see a young family move into our house and start to make their own memories in what we considered to be the ideal neighborhood.
Brandon says
My favourite one so far.
Pam McPhail says
Thanks, Bran.👌🏻
Glen Wickens says
Your best post yet, Pam, with a conclusion that is both eloquent and true.
Pam McPhail says
Thank you, Glen!👍🏻
Patricia Young says
I enjoyed your last posting so much Pam that I have been eagerly awaiting the next one. It does not disappoint. In fact, as others have said, the posts keep getting more interesting. This one is particularly so despite, or perhaps because of, our experiences being so different.
We sold our home in Quebec when we moved to the Philippines for a few years, not knowing when we would return or where our next jobs would be. We disposed of a number of items but most of our belongings went into “temporary” storage. Eleven years later we retired. We could have furnished an entire house for what we spent on storage in that time. When we got married it took us about three years to decide on a dining room table. When we retired we had to make a quick decision where to go. We came up fairly quickly with a short list of cities we liked in Canada. Unlike the dining room table decision, the choice of Vancouver took about two days.
We went through a kind of double downsizing exercise: one of the belongings accumulated after 11 years in our house in the Philippines and the other of the two rooms packed, floor to ceiling, with the contents from our former house in Quebec. The first was relatively easy; the latter, less so. We spent a day and a half on the loading dock of a Montreal moving company opening boxes and “sorting” items into “keep”, “give to charity” and “throw out”. This was done with wild abandon. The most difficult thing was selecting which of the 3,000 volumes we could part with from our library. Like you, we managed to find and keep some treasured and irreplaceable keepsakes.
Two months and two shipments later we found ourselves surrounded by boxes and unable to move in our two bedroom condo in Vancouver. The process of downsizing began again.
Like you we have no regrets. Unlike you ,well, we had the pressure of time – just six weeks to decide where to move and somehow get it all done. It is amazing how this “facilitates” decision-making.
As for emotions, We were both so busy there wasn’t much time for these. In the last few days, I did attend a farewell party on the compound where we lived. The entertainment was a live band made up of Filipino friends and we all danced the night away. But I also told these same people that I did not want them to do the usual thing for departing folk which was to gather to say farewell as the car pulled out of the driveway. A friend from Sri Lanka called to ask if she could disobey and appeared in the early afternoon with my favorite chai and biscuits. As I had had no time for lunch, this was incredibly welcome. She came and stayed quietly reading until I had finally finished all I had to do. Then stood waving as my driver drove me away. It was a thoughtful, sincere and gentle farewell – and just right.
You can see that our process was very much “by the seat of our pants”, not wisely planned like yours. Still, we managed and, like you, have no regrets. That is the most important thing. Well, that – and don’t be a pack-rat!
Pat
Pam McPhail says
I loved reading about your relocation project, Pat; hope you liked reliving it in writing. The logistics of your major move are dizzying, involving locations far afield and a compressed timeline. Managing it, as you did with aplomb, deserves praise. Well done!
Lorna Smith says
Your post is RIGHT on target
I am living the process right now
And am taking your comments to heart
And most of my belongings to the dump
Thank you
Pam McPhail says
Glad you’re getting through your project, Lorna, and appreciating the liberation that comes by discarding parts of the past that are not relevant to your present.
Linda Richardson says
Pam and Glen get the credit for starting my husband and I on the path to relocating from St. Albert, Alberta to Victoria, B.C. It started with them lending us their budget spread sheet which we then used to punch in our own numbers and convince ourselves that we could afford to retire to Victoria. They then showed us (with their own small U Hall of possessions) that we could downsize 31 years of possessions to enable us to live in a small condo apartment. On our last morning, our neighbors of 23 years hosted us at an impromtu farewell breakfast of coffee, muffins and fruit. I remember looking back at our house and our great neighbors as we drove off. I must say that we have not looked back since.
Pam McPhail says
A successful relocation project completed, Linda. I especially admire your observation about not looking back.