A friend asked how I choose topics to write about on my blog. Hmm. I keep a list of ideas that come to my mind on solitary walks, through reading, or in conversations with friends and family. Then I decide to address a topic based on timing — on the dates of International Friendship, Color and Museum Days for instance — or mood. I must feel right to write!
Feeling right can be vital to decisiveness, the ability to commit to a decision with little hesitation. Sometimes that means following our intuition. Listening to our gut. An article from Harvard Medical School states “the enteric nervous system that regulates our gut is often called the body’s second brain.” As this network uses the same chemicals and cells as the brain, the gut and brain communicate constantly. Life coach Dani Frank advises us “to create moments of stillness and silence to hear our gut talking to us.”
Another strategy for decision making is assessing the return on investment (ROI). Will the benefit, in terms of pleasure for example, compare favourably to the cost or effort? A simple case: on a visit to Toronto Glen and I took Marina and our grandchildren to tour Casa Loma. I chose this outing largely for its accessibility; I could go on foot to meet them there. But we discovered Casa Loma informs adults, less so young children, about its history. Turned out the steep admission fees and costly lunches did not generate a decent ROI. So not the best decision but no harm done.
Fearing a wrong decision can cause indecision, the repeated consideration of alternative possibilities. As can worrying about what people will think. Or aiming for perfection. While indecision is not always bad, constant rumination can lead to negative thinking and feeling. After due review (set a time limit if necessary), when we have acknowledged any consequences will not be dire, take the decision. And learn to ignore inklings of regret after the fact.
Steven Levitt, an economist at the University of Chicago and co-author of Freakonomics, set up a website for people to describe their various dilemmas – from getting a tattoo to moving house, returning to education or changing jobs. Levitt suggests “whenever you cannot decide what you should do, choose the action that represents a change.”
Making decisions can be difficult, but with practice we can improve. On some occasions — e.g. social invitations — simply decide to be positive: say yes instead of no. •
P.S. Feeling unsure about a decision? Benjamin Franklin (1706-90) wrote: “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
Catherine Mccallum says
How boring life would be if we always stayed in our comfort zone! How many missed opportunities to learn, to meet new friends, see new landscapes, eat new cuisine, laugh and feel strong emotions would we have without making bold or not so bold decisions to do something different. I feel we only have so many days in our timeline so I try to experience as much as I can of the things this world has to offer us.
Pam McPhail says
You have mastered the art of decisiveness, Cathy, and reap its rewards. Not everyone is so able but maybe taking baby steps can lead to bolder strides…
Deborah Etsten says
I was undecided about making a comment but then I realized how much you value feedback! Seriously, I had no hesitation and very much appreciate this thoughtful approach to an often challenging ordeal!
Pam McPhail says
I am decisive, Deborah, in saying thank you for your wry and gracious remarks.
Ian Wallace says
Pam, you are right. It’s best to make the best decision you can think of, and then just go for it! On the other hand, some investment experts believe that the best decision is often to do nothing at all.
Pam McPhail says
Even doing nothing is a decision, Ian. And sometimes the best one.
Linda Richardson says
Your comment about considering the ROI regarding a decision resonated with me. And it isn’t just the monetary investment to consider: it could also be the emotional cost of certain decisions.
Pam McPhail says
You rightly mention emotional costs, Linda. Decisions involving emotions are often the most challenging to make. And we cannot easily predict future emotional costs of our present decisions. I think the vital part of the equation is learning to suppress regret for decisions or actions we cannot reverse. By trusting that we made our best decision at the time.
Tim McPhail says
Pam, this is one of my favorite topics. For centuries, countries have tried to outlaw gambling. That has led to poorly educated people who don’t understand odds and risk assessment. There is a belief that we can remove risk-taking from our lives. Well, the 2 biggest gambles we take in life are getting married (or not)and having children (or not). A lifetime of love and companionship or a painful divorce. Parenting an Albert Einstein or a Paul Bernardo. If individuals have no experience with gambling, they will not be prepared for the inevitable loses of life.
A quote from my idol, Marie Curie : Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.
Let’s educate our children about life’s decision making ( gambling ), not cocoon them from the coming Vagarities of Fate.
Pam McPhail says
Well said Tim. Ideally we do not lead risk averse lives. But it’s not easy to teach children (or adults) with cautious temperaments to gamble. Leading by example?
John Grant McPhail says
I have been advising people on their finances and their futures for nearly 40 years. My advice to people facing a decision is to opt for the reversible choice. At some point the choice will likely become more certain. Once you’ve jumped off the cliff you can’t unjump.
Pam McPhail says
Some decisions are best left to the experts. I don’t presume to tell our financial advisor how to manage our modest portfolio or a mechanic how to fix our car or a plumber our toilet. But to view personal decisions as jumping off a cliff would paralyze me. Because not all decisions are reversible. Nor do they necessarily become certain. Yet we must make them, following whatever strategies align with our personalities.
Patricia Britton says
Excellent blog piece and great comments. As usual, a great topic. Thanks Pam.