As the end of 2023 approaches, I set a guiding principle for next year: say no to negativity. That doesn’t mean I will no longer read the glut of negative news; I still want to be a member of an informed public. It means I will try to limit my negative thinking, to subdue the negativity bias inherent in most of us. This bias causes us to reflect more on insults than compliments. To dwell more on disagreeable or traumatic events than pleasant ones. To let negative thoughts affect us more than positive ones.
We come by the bias naturally. In keeping with our survival instinct, our brain became conditioned to be alert to the negative in our environment. Now we need to accentuate the positive. Given our brain’s capacity to transform and adapt, sending positive impulses repeatedly along the neural pathways changes the structure of our brain to release dopamine and serotonin chemicals, the neurotransmitters responsible for happiness. (According to Dr. Jena Field, “consciously attending to our positive experiences does not aim to block out negative emotions. Rather it helps us to counterbalance, refuel and repair the negative toll that life stress has on our brains.”)
In conversations with yourself are you unduly judgmental about yourself? Here’s a novel notion: replace self-criticism with self-praise. Not to suggest adopting the sin of pride or boastfulness but, through affirmative self-talk, developing feelings of self-worth, self-respect, confidence. We can start by reframing our trials in life, viewing them as lessons not millstones. And applaud ourselves for surviving, or continuing to weather, the metaphorical storms, maybe even for becoming stronger as a result. Then banish regret for anything and everything we cannot change or redo. Refocus our mind on gratitude, hope, self-compassion.
We also want to curb our negativity in talking to — or about — other people. To try and live the adage, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Lastly, the easiest advice to follow on our path to positivity in the New Year: smile often! •
P.S. Every time I publish a new post I praise myself for mastering the technology to set up my blog as a satisfying outlet for my musings. At the same time, I feel grateful to the readers of Sunset Years.
Chris Krueger says
Pam, this blog is what I’ve been focusing on. I love how you have tied it all together so well! Thank you!
Pam McPhail says
I’m happy my piece fits well with your aims, Chris. And I appreciate your kind comments, always.
Sonya R Bardati says
Pam, you do so well and yes you deserve to be proud of yourself.
Pam McPhail says
Thank you for your generous remarks, Sonya.
Catherine Mccallum says
And we are grateful that you put your musings to pen and paper so to speak. Your thoughts always resonate well with mine.
2023 has been a challenge for me to stay positive as it truly was an annus horribilus as the late queen would say. I am always amazed however that I still have the capacity to console or be empathetic no matter how many time my coffers have been drained. I have, however limited my exposure to negative newsreel. Not to say I don’t keep up with the news but the constant visual bombardment of death and destruction was taking a toll on my soul.
Pam McPhail says
You define resilience, Cathy. And you benefit from your capacity to acknowledge your empathetic and positive self.
Marilyn RB says
Thanks Pam! Timely and wise advice as usual. I hope you are enjoying your “wintry” holiday.
Pam McPhail says
Thank you, Marilyn, for faithfully reading and commenting on my posts.
Glen Wickens says
Forty-two years, two children, three grandchildren, and four dogs later, I can say the glass is still more than half full while living with Pam. Tonight we will celebrate our anniversary with dinner out on the patio at Olive and Ivy near Scottsdale’s Fashion Square. I will make sure our server keeps Pam’s glass full.
Patricia Britton says
Now that is the right attitude…. Especially that last line…. Double entendre acknowledged. Happy Anniversary. 🥰
Pam McPhail says
A nice observation, Glen, and written with a dose of dry (no wet — fill our glass) humour. Thanks!
Barbara Richardson says
A good reminder as we move into a new year. I’ve found that it takes discipline to be positive as negative thought patterns are often familiar and comfortable. But the trick, I guess, is noticing when thinking turns negative and consciously changing and reframing our thoughts. So being aware of them is a good start. Add that to this year’s goals…
Pam McPhail says
You’re right that redirecting our negative thoughts is not always easy, Barb. But we can try…
Linda W says
Thanks for the reminder Pam. Another great article that you should be proud of. You are a very positive person.
Pam McPhail says
I try to be positive, Linda. As do you. Thanks for your kind comments.
Patricia B says
I totally agree Pam. I have a similar philosophy in that last new year I committed to live my life in “joy”. It’s harder than one thinks. If something doesn’t bring you joy, get rid of it or change your attitude. Both are hard. But joy is worth it.
Pam McPhail says
Pat, I’m going to take your philosophy as a welcome challenge for 2024 to focus on “joy” — an emboldening word!
Janet Anderson says
Pam, I’m very grateful for you!
You inspire me.
Pam McPhail says
Very kind of you to say, Janet. Thank you!
Deborah Etsten says
Always fine reflections from you but Glen’s comment was definitely, to be as trite as possible, the icing on the cake! ❤️
Pam McPhail says
Cute! Finely said, Deborah.